Progress

I have trouble saying no to salespeople.  It’s a seriously debilitating problem, you guys.

I think it stems from being too nice.  I’ll be in a store, and the salesperson will start trying to up-sell me on something, and in my mind I’ll be like, ‘this thing is dumb and WAY too expensive and I have no use for it whatsoever but it’s not this guy’s fault, he’s just trying to do his job, he’s got sales goals to meet and I remember what it was like to work in retail, it sucks, seriously though I am not buying this thing but he’s already invested five minutes giving me the sales pitch and no no no not the product demo, not the product demo…DAMMIT.’

I’m just as bad with door-to-door salespeople.  They’ll be like, ‘would you consider switching your service provider?’  And my brain will be screaming, ‘you want me to switch TO Comcast?  Can I have some of whatever illicit substance you’re on, then?  Aww, but the poor guy, he’s out there in the heat/cold/rain trying to get people to use this stupid service and he probably gets commission and people are probably super rude to him all the time and HOW DO I GET HIM TO GO AWAY…’

The trouble is, on of my favorite lunch places is on the Corner of Doom.  I have never NOT seen someone on that corner asking for money–product promotions, charities, politicians…  I try my best to slip past them unscathed, muttering to myself, ‘don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact…’  Because I know that, if they succeed in stopping me, I am in for a world of torment, desperately trying to politely disentangle myself from the situation while they keep talking and talking.  I’ve occasionally had succeed pretending that I only speak Polish, but I’m often not mentally nimble enough to pull that off.  And they always stop me.  ALWAYS.  “Excuse me, miss, I just have to tell you, you have a beautiful smile…while I have your attention, can I tell you about our new gym membership plan?”  “I picked my way through this whole crowd specifically to talk to you, because I can just see that you’re a good person…are you familiar with the Nature Conservancy?”  Basically, they can smell a sucker a mile away.

…The last time one of them stopped me, I, um, somehow wound up sponsoring an impoverished child in the Philippines.

NOT SO TODAY!  Today, I braved the Corner of Doom and strode courageously toward my lunch spot.  It looked safe for once, I didn’t see any scheisters…

“Excuse me, can I ask you about your hair?”

WHAT?  What is wrong with my hair?

“We’re doing a promotion for Aveda.  Do you have a moment?”

I did not make eye contact, I did not break stride, I gave the dude a ‘talk to the hand,’ and I growled, “Don’t even talk to me.”

Street scheister is NOT touching my hair.

I feel like this is a step towards personal growth.