Given the current state of...well, everything, I'd like to begin by emphasizing that the events described here took place in 1995, during which time the current, ongoing toilet paper shortage was not even a thought in anyone's mind, and any toilet paper stockpiled 26 years ago would probably not inspire any butt-wiping confidence in the... Continue Reading →

I felt pretty lucky, growing up, because most kids just had grandmas, but I had a grandma AND an Oma. Not to say that one is better than the other. To be clear, Oma is German for Grandma. But the distinction felt necessary to me. It was a completely different job, and it required a... Continue Reading →

It was at least a decade before I knew that her real first name was Irene--she always went by Dolores... Continue Reading →

This is my brilliant, talented, accomplished, kind, thoughtful, beautiful baby sister. She probably hates it when I call her that--'baby sister'.  Julie and I are six and a half years apart, but despite that, we are incredibly close.  Whenever I finished a new writing project, she was always the first person I trusted to read... Continue Reading →

The epic final chapter of the saga of the Turkey Bowl. Continue Reading →

The saga of the Turkey Bowl continues. Continue Reading →

As I may have mentioned once or twice before, my family is massive, and also insane. Our annual Thanksgiving tradition is equally massive and insane: 59 people, 5 turkeys, several dogs, at least one dish of chili dip, and the annual Thanksgiving Morning Turkey Bowl touch football game, which has become the catalyst for everyone's... Continue Reading →

Our first year trick-or-treating alone was way more trick than treat... Continue Reading →

It has, in present day, become an annual tradition: the family, which has now become a clan of 59 members strong, convenes to retreat to the solitude of the Wisconsin lakes and enjoy some family bonding time in the great outdoors every Fourth of July weekend. The results of the first such gathering were such that it's probably best if we never return to THAT particular fishing resort ever again. Continue Reading →

My Grandpa passed away on October 4, 1988. My Opa passed away on December 9, 2011. My Papa John passed away on September 24, 2016. I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have had three grandfathers:  three honorable, courageous, enterprising, selfless, principled men.  My cousins and I have been able to watch these men... Continue Reading →